Where has all the sleep gone?

I'm the kind of girl who has always needed at least 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night in order to function well during the day. I always have been that way and probably always will be. Imagine my surprise when almost 5 years ago I brought home our first bundle of joy and sleep was a thing of the past.

It is in these first few months of sporadic newborn sleep (or in Matthias' case 11 long months) where I pray so, so much. There are prayers for strength and patience. Prayers that my little babe will finally stop screaming and close his eyes, prayers that he will stay asleep once I lay him in his crib and that the older children wont wake up 5 minutes after I lay down in my own bed. And there are the tearful prayers of complete surrender. Because as I write this it is 4 am and I'm starting to panic at the knowledge that in 2 short hours my older children will begin to stir and my babe has only allowed me an hour and a half sleep. I know my day will be full of usual things like making meals, combing hair, brushing teeth, getting little ones dressed, tantrums, time outs, constant requests to play, go to the park, swim in the pool, get snacks, change diapers, snuggle after bumps, bruises and falls, mediate fights, laundry, dishes, sweeping and hopefully clean bathrooms, vacuum and wash the fly poop and guts off my walls. All the while I want to crumple in a heap and weep out of pure exhaustion knowing that at the end of it all I have yet another sleepless night ahead.

I know in my head it will one day get a little better but it doesn't feel like it will so for now all I can do is pray that my Lord will somehow grant me all that I need in the moments I need it, that he will be merciful on this tired mommy and that my husband and children will forgive me in all the moments that I fail to be the kind of wife and mother that I ought to.

And I cling to the promises in Lamentations 3:22-23

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
    His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.