Identity Crisis

This is for all you mom's out there who, like me, deal with an identity crisis each and everyday.

I wasn't that girl who grew up dreaming and waiting to become a mother. I always knew that one day I wanted children but I wanted a great many things, a university degree (or two), to play volleyball at a university level, a husband, to travel the world, a fulfilling career, a home, a couple of life long friends, to run in a marathon, to learn out to make great food and pick a wine to match.

I've accomplished a lot of those things but somewhere along the path of life I've let go of most of the selfish things that I love to do in order to be a wife, mother and homemaker. I'd like to say that I have done this very graciously but I'm afraid I haven't.

I can (and do) still throw a mommy temper tantrum when I'm just fed up and want some time to myself to craft a cute DIY project.

Instead of changing diapers for the 12th time today I want to learn how to make a tiramiso or beef wellington, instead of the 5th load of laundry I want to tackle a slouchy toque pattern, instead of playing Cinderella and the step-mother for the one thousandth time I want to get back into shape and play sports without feeling like my body may implode (or explode) with one wrong move.

I knew having children would involve self sacrifice, I just didn't know how much.

A dear friend of mine once told me that with each child she has God uses it to strip away more of herself and to rely more on him. Slowly and surely my selfishness is being peeled away as I joyfully put my family above myself.

I am slowly and surely learning that my idenity comes from Christ. I am a daughter of the King, completely and wonderfully loved. He has given me a wonderful husband, 3 incredible children and a life so blessed I couldn't have imagined it for myself. My identity doesn't come from my latest project, travel destination, how clean my house is or how toned my body is (haha).

I am learning that even though I enjoy and am capable of doing a great many things I am living out my greatest calling from the Lord, to love and serve Him, my husband and my children, and to help them know how loved they are and where their identity comes from as well.

Praying that in your daily toil and struggles as a mom that you will know where your true identity is from too.

A Fun Little Tidbit

I don't know why but there are certain little aspects of my life that seem to run away on me. One that has been driving me particularly batty has been my microwave. It is disgustingly dirty and I can't ever seem to find the time to clean it.... until a couple of days ago when both boys were napping at the same time while Jil was at playschool.

Before

Oops, forgot to get a picture with the super gross plate thingy!

After

 

All thanks to this handy little trick- put a bowl of vinegar water in your microwave on high for 3 minutes. It will get all steamy in there and once it is done all that gross food splatter will just wipe off! Amazing right?!

No need for you (or your microwave) to thank me, just go and get 'er clean!

Fall Fun

I've been so thankful that this year fall has stuck around for awhile. Last year at this time we already had snow and it didn't leave until May! It was a long, cold winter and I'm glad this year is already an improvement.

With the milder weather and leaves on the ground, the kids and I had to get out and make a leaf pile. I think they had a good time!

 

I think I said lets throw the leaves and these two figured that meant they should throw them at me!

 

So sad I didn't capture this from the right angle. Love seeing them play nicely together!



 

And as I'm making this post it is -16 outside and looking like it could snow at any minute, I miss fall already!

Who wants to Salsa!

So this year we had an abundance of tomatoes and onions in our garden and in my mind that meant one thing. I had to learn how to make salsa!

After a few searches online I found a few recipes and gave them a try.

Medium Salsa:
8 C diced tomatoes
2 green peppers diced
2 red peppers diced
4 cloves garlic minced
6 jalapeno peppers seeded and finely diced (I always wear rubber gloves when handling hot peppers)
2 C onions diced
3/4 C vinegar
1 large can tomato paste
cumin to taste
cilantro to taste

Mild salsa: (I didn't mean to make this so mild but was experimenting with red hot chili peppers)
8 C diced tomatoes
2 green peppers diced
2 red peppers diced
4 cloves garlic minced
2 jalapeno peppers seeded and finely diced
2 red hot chili peppers finely diced
2 C onions diced
3/4 C vinegar
1 large can tomato paste
cumin to taste
cilantro to taste


Mmmm garden tomatoes.

My happy helper!

Put all ingredients into a pot, bring to a boil and then simmer for 20-30 min. Meanwhile, sterilize your jars and lids.

 

Carefully pour mixture into jars and process in a hot water bath for 20 minutes. Let stand for 24 hours and make sure all jars have sealed. If any haven't place them in fridge and use within 2 weeks.

 

 

I didn't have any trouble with my jars sealing. I love the popping sound when they do! Hopefully next year I can try grow bell and hot peppers of our own for these recipes!

Fall Wreath

I love fall. The crisp air, harvesting the garden, pumpkin muffins and pie, hot apple cider and warm, rich colours.

 

I love making some sort of door hanging with each new season and was looking to make a felt flower wreath. Here's what I came up with.

 

 

I wish I had a better camera because these photos don't quite do it justice. The yellow is more of a mustard and the red is deeper than it looks. The best part: I spent $1 on this baby! Oh my dutch side rejoices!

 

I used a wreath I had in the cupboard and wrapped it with burlap i had from a project from last year. I then went through my felt in my craft cupboard and found a tan, mustard and burgandy and started cutting strips of fabric, rolling them and using my hot glue gun to keep them in place. I didn't have enough burgandy so i did go to the dollar store and bought 2 more pieces of felt.

 

Then I was ready to display if for the world!

 

Yup that's when I got bummed out. Boring, blah, ewww. My door needed some serious help. After looking through Home Depot I came across a $3 can of oops paint and knew that it was meant for my door.

 

Luckily one morning the kids were playing so nice I got to work and by the next day my door was transformed!

 

I think it is quite an improvement and for $3 I can change it next year if I want too!



Matthi-o-saurus

Matthias has been obsessed with dinosaurs lately so I figured it was only natural to have a dinosaur themed party!

My amazing sister-in-law from Abeer designs made these awesome invites for us to hand out to Matthias' little friends.

 

Remember this little chair, it's fun to see how he's grown in one year. I love it next to our garden pumpkins!

 

I made sure to have some dinos around to play with, a fun dinosaur book to read and then we went out to hunt for and crack open dinosaur eggs!

 

I had to hide them in fairly obvious places because these 2 and 3 year olds are not very good seekers yet. Jil found most of them anyways but then the real fun/ scary part began. Cracking them open with Jeff's "small" hammer! They loved it and no real injuries where acquired!

 

An out came some baby dinosaurs! We had a bit of lunch and free play and before we knew it the party was over. Thanks for all the fun guys!

 

Dinosaur Egg Recipe:

 

1 C used coffee grounds

1C sand

1/2 C salt

1C flour

 

Mix all together and add about 1-1/2 C water until you can mold the mixture around your little plastic dinosaurs. Put on parchment paper and in the oven at 175 degrees for about 20min or until hardened. Let cool. Hide. Have fun opening.

The coolest 2 year old I know!

My little boy is 2! These past two years have flown by and Matthias has been a whirlwind of a child right from the get go! He was born within 50minutes of arriving at the hospital and he has not slowed down since. He makes me laugh countless times in a day. I love his imagination, he dinosaur rawrs, his puppy act, how he pretends to be a baby in Jer's little rocker chair. He has a smile that goes on forever and a giggle that lights up my heart. He is quick to say sorry, share a toy when asked and give hugs. He already refuses to kiss me goodnight but says "love you so, again" many times each night as I tickle and kiss him saying "I'll eat you up I love you so!" from Where the Wild Things Are! He is THAT delicious.... and wild! We have survived one broken leg, a bout of severe tonsillitis that this mommy will NEVER forget and countless bumps, bruises, scrapes, cuts and "bumble bee stings". I love your curiosity, sense of adventure and sense of humor. I love your love for machines and that because of you I now know the differences between front loaders, back hoes, high hoes, bobcats (or skid steers), dump trucks, tractors, combines, balers, sprayers, swathers, forklifts, quads and lawnmowers. You are so precious Matthias, God's gracious answer to many prayers. Happy Birthday!

So this is the new normal.

I think I may dare to say it... I think we've adjusted. It has only taken two months but
I think we are all used to our new routine, our new normal.

Don't get me wrong, there are many bumps along the way, At any given time 2 of my 3 children are crying, usually the babe and my crazy almost 2 year old!

I am severely outnumbered and that has been the source of a lot of whining at first. Now it has been giving the children opportunities to help and care for one another in new ways. Yesterday Jil said she would snuggle with Matthias before naptime while I nursed Jeremiah and Matthias is wiping up spills and bringing dishes to the dishwasher.

I think my hormones have finally balanced out again (or as much as any girls hormones can). Little mishaps or behavioral issues don't make me want to scream or break stuff anymore. My patience is returning!

I can usually count on Jeremiah to sleep one 4 hour stretch at night, giving me the chance to feel like I can use a little bit of time before bed to get the house in order, do chores, read or work on a project. It is great to not feel like you have to rush off to sleep not knowing if you'll get to sleep at all!

I have been so thankful for my easygoing baby! What we know about Jer so far: he is a finicky nurser resulting in a gassy baby (you should hear some of his man sized farts!), he is a good sleeper, he hates a dirty diaper, hates his baths, loves being around people, will flash his gorgeous smile with a little bit of work on your part and even though he has gained 6 lbs since births he still fits so perfectly on my chest. He has been a blessing to us all.

And in true Beer baby fashion, dad can get him to smile much more easily than I can. You'd think that he'd give those beautiful grins mostly to me, after all I did carry him for 9 months, endure 24 hours of labour, birthed him, sacrifice sleep and sanity for him but nope, dad gets most of the smiles!

Roasting some dogs!

One of my favorite summertime activities, campfires, hot dog roasts and s'mores.

Jil will quite often request that we have a picnic or a fire at lunch and I couldnt resist sharing this little beauty!

Where has all the sleep gone?

I'm the kind of girl who has always needed at least 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night in order to function well during the day. I always have been that way and probably always will be. Imagine my surprise when almost 5 years ago I brought home our first bundle of joy and sleep was a thing of the past.

It is in these first few months of sporadic newborn sleep (or in Matthias' case 11 long months) where I pray so, so much. There are prayers for strength and patience. Prayers that my little babe will finally stop screaming and close his eyes, prayers that he will stay asleep once I lay him in his crib and that the older children wont wake up 5 minutes after I lay down in my own bed. And there are the tearful prayers of complete surrender. Because as I write this it is 4 am and I'm starting to panic at the knowledge that in 2 short hours my older children will begin to stir and my babe has only allowed me an hour and a half sleep. I know my day will be full of usual things like making meals, combing hair, brushing teeth, getting little ones dressed, tantrums, time outs, constant requests to play, go to the park, swim in the pool, get snacks, change diapers, snuggle after bumps, bruises and falls, mediate fights, laundry, dishes, sweeping and hopefully clean bathrooms, vacuum and wash the fly poop and guts off my walls. All the while I want to crumple in a heap and weep out of pure exhaustion knowing that at the end of it all I have yet another sleepless night ahead.

I know in my head it will one day get a little better but it doesn't feel like it will so for now all I can do is pray that my Lord will somehow grant me all that I need in the moments I need it, that he will be merciful on this tired mommy and that my husband and children will forgive me in all the moments that I fail to be the kind of wife and mother that I ought to.

And I cling to the promises in Lamentations 3:22-23

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
    His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.

The good, the bad, the ugly. Postpartum woes!

A few highs and lows of the postpartum experience:

THE GOOD
1.Getting to examine your little ones face for the first time...priceless.
2. The crazy sense of accomplishement- I'd have to say that giving birth is themost gratifying experience out there, especially a drug free birth. after each of my boys was born I felt i had completed what God designed me to do,bring life into the world and i did it while knocking the socks off my medical team. Jeff sent me the sweetest text after Jeremiah was born- "So proud of you babe!#beast" That's right, I'm a birthing beast.
3. That first night that you can stretch out and roll onto your stomach to sleep. It may only be for 12 seconds but it sure feels good while it lasts!
4. New baby smell.
5. Watching you children meet their new sibling for the first time.
6. Finally being able to wear your wedding rings after months of swelling.
7. Being able to run and bend again.
8. Newborn snuggles are the best and they fit so perfectly on your chest.

THE BAD AND UGLY
1. Lack of sleep. And the physcotic moments that go with it.
2.Engorgement. Enough said.
3. Learning again how to breastfeed,
4. Feeling like i'm in labour every time I breastfeed for the first 2 weeks.
5. Having no summer clothes that fit.
6. Waking up in cold sweats, crazy hormones.
7. Needing to use peribottles but at least after they are no longer needed and have had a good wash, the kids inherite a new bath toy!

Jeremiah;s Nursery

I really figured I had more time before Jeremiah would arrive so I was not done his nursery when we headed for the hospital which really annoyed me and made me feel unprepared for his arrival (irrational I know but it's how my brain works!)

With a bit of help from my awesome husband and a bit of neglected laundry I'd say it is 90% there.

On pinterest  I found a couple bird related decor ideas and because we did not find out the baby's gender I thought a bird nursery in aqua with teal, green and orange accents would be fairly neutral. The pictures do not do the aqua paint any justice.

 

 

Bird mobile over crib. This beauty was a little time consuming but tons of fun to make.

 Old window, elmers glue and white paint= crackle paint finish. Yarn wrapped a cardboard letter, stiched it to some fabric I love and staple gunned (is that a word!?) to the back of the window. I wanted it above the crib but hubby had visions of it falling off the wall and injuring our child. Although he hangs all my pctures and this heavy old window is not moving as he used a old trick he learned from days when he worked in a hotel furniture manufacturing plant. Anyways, had to settle with it above the change table.

 

 

Lastly a birdhouse with touch light inside for middle of the night nursing sessions. Jeff made this for me with an old pallet after i found one on pinterest that cost over 100 euros! some bird silhouettes and cute bird hooks i found in a local store helped finish off the wall! I still would love a better coordinating crib sheet and change pad cover and maybe some srt of drapes/curtains but we will see!

Peas Please!

Since moving to the middle of nowhere, Jeff and I have started gardening. (It seemed like the thing to do in a farming community). Last year our garden was less than impressive but this year we have seemed to get a few things right.

The one thing that has gone well both years as been our peas. I love fresh garden peas so this year we doubled the amount we planted from last year.

As you can see we have a fairly good sized crop growing and I hope to get a lot of them in the freezer so that we can enjoy them throughout the winter too, although the kids have been helping themselves when they are playing in the yard so who knows how much we will actually freeze.

So you may ask what is the process of freezing peas? I did too, googled it and this is the method I use.

First of all, pick away! I don't like super large peas as I feel they lose a lot of their flavour if they grow to large so I tend to pick them a little early.

Next, shelling! I know a few people who don't grow peas because they are a little time consuming but I find shelling peas relaxing.

Now for some blanching. This is my set up. Shelled peas, pot of boiling water and bowl with colander of icey water.

Once your water is boiling, add your shelled peas and allow them to boil or blanch for 90 seconds. Remove from boiling water and put them in the ice water to shock them. After they have cooled (about 2-3 minutes) remove the colander and let them dry. Put in freezer bag, remove extra air, seal the bag and freeze.

Super easy! I did my first batch with a newborn in one arm! So get out there, get dirty and save some of that delish garden produce for later!

How we chose his name!

Jeff and I have always been very secretive about the names we have choosen for our children. Probably because we know we like different names and we don' want everyones opinion about it. We would much rather announce the name when the baby arrives and it will just have to grow on eveybody.

We also think that the meaning of a name is so important but finding a name we both like that has a significant meaning to go with it is pretty difficult!

So how did we end up with Jeremiah John?

Jeremiah was a top 5 name for us when we were expecting Matthias. So when we knew we were expecting again we decided we still liked it! Jeff also really admires the prophet Jeremiah and we both loved the meaning "The Lord be exalted". It is our prayer for our son that the Lord is exalted and praised in an through his life. I feel like everytime we say Jeremiah's name we are praying that over him again and again.

Now John is a bit of a family name on my side, my dad is John and so was my Opa. Both are Godly, wise, loving men and we wanted to honor them by naming Jeremiah after them.

Here is my dad with his namesake!

Jeremiah's newborn photos

My very talented friend Kayla who did my maternity photos also came out to do a few newborn photos as well. They are stunning if I can say so and then she also did a few of the rest of us.

I am so glad to finally have a summer baby, along with many other perks, outdoor pictures!